we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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