At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
