Everything about him screamed your future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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