I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
do herpes really smell.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
