Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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