yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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