i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
smell my finger.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
