So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
