I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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