So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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