Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
