Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
