Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
