I am spending my child support on dildos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
