we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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