Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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