you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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