You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
