He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
