My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
