my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
