At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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