Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
