I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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