Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
