woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
