Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
