you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
