feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
