You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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