Don't make out with my wife yet
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
