Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
