dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
