I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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