If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
