drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
