A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
