First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
