I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The Olympian is in my bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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