i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
