Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
