theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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