im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
