My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
