You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
