He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
