16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
