well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
