so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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