Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
