My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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