You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
